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Driving Home
A man was driving home late one afternoon, and he was driving above the speed limit. He notices a police car with its red lights flashing in his rear view mirror. He thinks, "I can outrun this guy," so he floors it and the race is on. The cars are racing down the highway 60, 70, 80, 90 miles an hour. Finally, as his speedometer passes 100, the guy figures, "What the heck," and gives up. He pulls over to the curb.
The Police officer gets out of his cruiser and approaches the car. He leans down and says, "Listen mister, I've had a really lousy day, and I just want to go home. Give me a good excuse and I'll let you go."
The man thought for a moment and said, "Three weeks ago, my wife ran off with a police officer. When I saw your cruiser in my rear view mirror, I thought it was him coming to give her back to me!"
The officer let him go.
Marriage is a mistake every man should make.
~George Jessel
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A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense: "My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb." "Well put," the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses." The defendant smiled. With his lawyer's assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.
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